I know as humans we feel (are meant to feel- occasional male exceptions) emotion. So I guess its reassuring that we get emotional and if emotion does nothing other than toy with us, at least it proves we're still alive. Still with me?
To cut a long story short last night I experienced one of the worst emotional triggers, the nightmare. It wasn't dark, full of death or anything horror related, it was simply a glimpse of a guy I once dated (the inspiration behind How to be a dick 101- shame he didn't have one and What happens when a guy says he loves you) hand in hand with a girl he had a lot of history with and he then turned round and shot me a huge smile that illustrated the deceitful bastard that he really was.
The scariest thing wasn't the nightmare at all, it was the anxiety of waking up and thinking "Why am I dreaming about this man?"
Its odd because at 22 I considered myself more aware of the male species, and more homed in on what's good and what's bad about them. But sometimes there are gaps and no amount of age or self-acknowledgement can prepare you for when your memory throws you a wildcard.
I know everything happens for a reason, karma always comes around and if you don't have the correct amount of goldfish you will probably end up dead, but sometimes emotion seems unnecessary.
Forget REM sleep and remember REM taught us something else: Everybody hurts. So please Freud, enough of the nightmares, bitterness never tasted sweet and don't dig up what has been long buried.
If we have to experience emotion why can't it be a smile encouraging, fairy dust twinkling, chocolate river drinking, pixie squeaking one?
Personally as long as he's 6ft plus, broad shouldered, big footed, swedish Mr. Darcy resembling, sex god, then that would be ok too.
Sunday 27 February 2011
Wednesday 16 February 2011
Positive thinking
Here we go blog two of the day!
There is nothing more irritating and murder encouraging than those overly happy 'morning' people, whose single smile leaves you craving for the covers and instantly puts a downer on your day. Sadly, I'm am one of these people.
Come rain, sleet or snow I'm up in the morning, grinning for England and infuriatingly sprightly. And you'll be wanting me dead before the words 'What a glorious day' so much as leave my mouth!
But all the positivity comes at a price and when the tables turn I become Sylvia Plath in an Aga showroom.
To me positive thinking is a necessity, there's no point thinking negatively about things/ life/ situations, or only negative things will result from it.
If you want that dream then go for it. If you want that house then put down that mortgage. If you want that man then make him fall in love, play with his heart and then rip it out- only joking. That's murder.
And always remember, if S Club 7 taught us anything its Reach for the stars!
(Never did quite understand what the 'S' stood for).
(P.s Bet you're smiling now!).
(P.p.s Good luck getting that song out of your head!!)
There is nothing more irritating and murder encouraging than those overly happy 'morning' people, whose single smile leaves you craving for the covers and instantly puts a downer on your day. Sadly, I'm am one of these people.
Come rain, sleet or snow I'm up in the morning, grinning for England and infuriatingly sprightly. And you'll be wanting me dead before the words 'What a glorious day' so much as leave my mouth!
But all the positivity comes at a price and when the tables turn I become Sylvia Plath in an Aga showroom.
To me positive thinking is a necessity, there's no point thinking negatively about things/ life/ situations, or only negative things will result from it.
If you want that dream then go for it. If you want that house then put down that mortgage. If you want that man then make him fall in love, play with his heart and then rip it out- only joking. That's murder.
And always remember, if S Club 7 taught us anything its Reach for the stars!
(Never did quite understand what the 'S' stood for).
(P.s Bet you're smiling now!).
(P.p.s Good luck getting that song out of your head!!)
A new challenge
Where to begin? I feel there has been a bit of a literary draught recently, this blog hasn't been updated, my diary hasn't been written in and something that resembles indolence feels like it has taken over.
The scary thing is that I've become so comfortable in my part time job and living at my parents house, that the thought of a career is beginning to terrify me!
I guess its a hidden blessing that a possible move to Gloucester is on the horizon. Maybe a new change of scenery is what is needed to whip this butt into gear and regain some confidence.
The best place to be right now would be Chester, lovely little Chester, where I would still move back in a heartbeat! And let's face it, this really wasn't my life plan once I'd finished uni.
It has been an eventual eight months, but change is now needed. So come on world and let's see where we end up!
The scary thing is that I've become so comfortable in my part time job and living at my parents house, that the thought of a career is beginning to terrify me!
I guess its a hidden blessing that a possible move to Gloucester is on the horizon. Maybe a new change of scenery is what is needed to whip this butt into gear and regain some confidence.
The best place to be right now would be Chester, lovely little Chester, where I would still move back in a heartbeat! And let's face it, this really wasn't my life plan once I'd finished uni.
It has been an eventual eight months, but change is now needed. So come on world and let's see where we end up!
Monday 7 February 2011
A spinster in the making.
It is customary belief that valentines day is every singletons nightmare, every romantic single person that is. The constant roses, chocolates, red heart covered boxers and gimmickry teddy bears leave little for the imagination and even less in the consumer pocket. But this is not to say that I (along with many other women I'm sure) would disregard any of the above and dismiss any materialistic goods to replace the three word sentence that the alpha male cannot utter.
I will admit that the urge to buy a valentines card is there, but who would I send it to? I'm not dating anyone at the moment so I couldn't give them the card and I can't buy one for myself because that's just stupid. I could send one to the guy I was dating this time last year (he gave me a card and I didn't get him one. Let's not talk about the guilt there!) or I could send one to all the girls (aka ex uni housemates)but half of them have boyfriends and that's just plain odd. I guess I could always make up a name/ address, post it and who knows, maybe fate will kick in and that man will turn out to be my future husband!
Last year I abandoned my datee and brought the uni girls to mine for a valentines day meal. It was lovely and although I had gone against the norm, it was a nice way to spend a day that was 100% ruled by Clintons.
This year the plan for February the 14th is still yet to be finalised, but the chances of it being spent wrapped up in the arms of a handsome young man are very slim.
It's a bit of a shame and I was kind of hoping that by 22 I would have been more successful in the valentines day bagging department, but apparently not. I guess that must have been the optimism talking!
So as I turn in for the night and countdown the days I breath a slight sigh of relief, at least its not microwave meals for one just yet.
P.s I hate being a romantic!
I will admit that the urge to buy a valentines card is there, but who would I send it to? I'm not dating anyone at the moment so I couldn't give them the card and I can't buy one for myself because that's just stupid. I could send one to the guy I was dating this time last year (he gave me a card and I didn't get him one. Let's not talk about the guilt there!) or I could send one to all the girls (aka ex uni housemates)but half of them have boyfriends and that's just plain odd. I guess I could always make up a name/ address, post it and who knows, maybe fate will kick in and that man will turn out to be my future husband!
Last year I abandoned my datee and brought the uni girls to mine for a valentines day meal. It was lovely and although I had gone against the norm, it was a nice way to spend a day that was 100% ruled by Clintons.
This year the plan for February the 14th is still yet to be finalised, but the chances of it being spent wrapped up in the arms of a handsome young man are very slim.
It's a bit of a shame and I was kind of hoping that by 22 I would have been more successful in the valentines day bagging department, but apparently not. I guess that must have been the optimism talking!
So as I turn in for the night and countdown the days I breath a slight sigh of relief, at least its not microwave meals for one just yet.
P.s I hate being a romantic!
Tuesday 1 February 2011
I will say this only once
This is a very serious blog and it's about all things serious. It will not contain any rubbish, gibberish, garbage, gabble, goats, twiddle, twaddle or nonsense.
It will focus on the matter in hand and the matter in hand will be its focus.
Today I spent the day arguing with the computer, updating my CV and twitter account (because the two things go hand-in-hand) and generally spreading my love- of journalism before any of you sick people think otherwsie- and sending CVs to every corner of the UK.
This comes as a result of deciding to put writing into action and get those bylines. Clearly six-months of essay writing have left my brain and pens itching to get back to free writing, lack of structure, description and everything else feature etseq.
So without further ado let the feature writing career commence!
It will focus on the matter in hand and the matter in hand will be its focus.
Today I spent the day arguing with the computer, updating my CV and twitter account (because the two things go hand-in-hand) and generally spreading my love- of journalism before any of you sick people think otherwsie- and sending CVs to every corner of the UK.
This comes as a result of deciding to put writing into action and get those bylines. Clearly six-months of essay writing have left my brain and pens itching to get back to free writing, lack of structure, description and everything else feature etseq.
So without further ado let the feature writing career commence!
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