Precipitation anyone?

What is it about England and weather that creates so much pandemonium?

Not only is it cold enough to snap steel in your bedroom, but the initial excitement of the white coated garden is replaced with the estimation of how quickly you can de-snow the car.

So you reluctantly drag yourself into the shower (still debating if you can get the car ready to go in under three minutes) and shovel some breakfast down your throat. This is shortly followed by throwing some clothes on, popping on some make-up and grabbing your handbag.

You then have a five second moment of madness while you try to find the car keys and head out the door.

This is where the first problem arises. Your feet are now drenched. For some reason whilst dashing around the house preparing yourself for the possibility of a break down/ blizzard responsible traffic jam/ unprovoked Yeti attack, you forgot that open toed stilettos probably weren’t your brightest idea.

As a modern woman you don’t not let this slight mishap slow you down and besides, the shoes needed a clean anyway. You whip out the ice scraper and rack your brains as to whether snow means you should drive in a higher or lower gear.

Once the car is 50% visible you belt up and head for the end of the drive, making sure not to injure any playful cats or unrecognisable children on your exit.

The journey is not pleasant. The heaters or on full blast, snow is flying everywhere, the radio signal is practically non existent (my Fleetwood Mac CD has once again sprouted legs) and everyone including the vicar is driving at 5mph.

Now, personally I’m not a bad driver and I know my wheels can reach 90mph in matter of minutes (yes, it should say ‘in a matter of seconds’ but the job doesn’t pay THAT well just yet!) but it’s easy to get frustrated when the residents of Guildford think snow is the dandruff of Hitler.

Half an hour later you reach the park-and-ride. On every fifth day of the month this is a wonderful invention, you save petrol, you save the environment and it gives you chance to check Twitter and grab a Starbucks before you roll into work.

However, for the other 325 days of the year the park-and-ride is a nightmare and especially when the ground is coated in wet sludge and you’re running late. Before you have even started your working day you have to clamber on the steamy bus. This is caused by the anticipation of 30 passengers eagerly awaiting you free-falling thud, as both you and your belongings plummet to the ground in a spectacular display of general flapping seal-ness.

With your wet feet, aching sides and elegantly wind swept hair you finally make it into work. All the previous agro deceases and the world is lovely again. All that is left to do is enjoy your Starbucks and laugh at the people who fall over outside the shop (don’t even try and deny it!)

The shop is dead and as the snow starts to settle and the day draws in, the only thing now on your mind is the journey home.

This is where problem three creeps in: how do you get home? Getting into work was hard enough, but now the snow has turned into sleet and the only way back to the car is on your hands and knees. In short, you’re buggered.

There are cars everywhere, everywhere you look it’s white and it finally pays off to have a black car. The cold weather may have disagreed with the central locking system, but when it’s the only visible car in a field of sheep then the game of ‘where did I park my car?’ becomes slightly easier.

It was at this point where I was great full not to have eaten my tin of soup for lunch, jut in case the worst was about to happen on the way home.

Fifteen minutes later the car pulls into the drive and you are home. No Yetis, no break downs, admittedly still no Fleetwood Mac, no emergency soup drinking and that was it. The one crazy day of white rain and it was all over.

All that is left to do is pop on a big hoody, a pair of thick socks, make a cup of tea and hit Bedfordshire.

I wonder what the snow forecast is for tomorrow, but have a feeling the wellies will be making a definite appearance.