Thursday 9 June 2011

A sweet little mystery

There is something very odd and almost nostalgic about turning on my laptop. I never use it these days partly because it’s so slow that it drives me doo-dah and secondly I can do everything whether it be emailing/ blog updating/ Twitter/ Facebook on my phone. Never the less it does put a smile on my face when the background of my old house mates and I dress head-to-toe in orange clothing pops up.

I have had a few crazy weeks and life seems to have merged into a life of serious work and no play. Don’t get me wrong the experiences have been phenomenal, actually phenomenal may be too big a descriptive word perhaps insightful is better, but life outside of work has all but disappeared.

It was this realisation and a few recent comments about this blog being how shall we put it, slightly themed, that got my thinking about what I really want out of life.

There are many sayings and proverbs that tell us life is too short and that we should make the most of what we have, seize opportunities and so forth but what if taking that leap is more terrifying than length of life itself?

Unfortunately none of this is helped by the fact that I am about as decisive as a very indecisive person can be- I use to be indecisive and now I’m not sure- but it is as if the leap that should be taken is getting bigger and the time to take the leap is getting smaller.

I never planned to work in the shop for this long once Uni had ended, but then I never made a plan in the first place. In a cringing way (We are talking extremely cringing here- finding your 18 year-old brother’s friends modelling your knickers kind of cringing) after Uni you got married and had children. That’s what my parents did and that’s what all the adults I grew up with did.

I am not an anti-feminist although my housemates will disagree but life has never been grey for me, you got married and have children or have a career. How can you be with your family and work around the clock at the same time? You simply can’t.

To me family has always and will continue to be a big part of my life. When you come from a family of eight as in my Parents, Brother, Aunt, Uncle, Cousin and Nan the thought of not being close by is as daunting as the prospects of not fulfilling your life.

At the age of 22 the entire world and its oceans are at my feet and yet for some reason all I want to do is paddle around a bit and then put my feet back into my favourite pair of heels.

I was determined not to write a blog about men/ relationships or love, but the truth is everything else scares me. In fact it does more than scare me, it scares the life out of me.

There is only one thing niggling at the back of my head. If I really was too scared of the unknown then why am I curious about it? What is out there that I haven’t seen, what am I missing and what is waiting for me out there?

One of my old housemates “The Oxfordshirett” suggested to me that we should go travelling for a year. At the time I laughed. Now we are looking at plane tickets.

Maybe it is time for Amie to get of this wall and go find her bed of roses… just as soon as she gets her new Mac that is.

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